Tips for a Sex Starved Relationship

  Lisa Thomas, LCSW, LMFT, DAACS

 

Defining a Sex Starved Relationship - Differences in desire can spell trouble for your courtship.

Statistics - 1 out of every 3 married couples struggles with problems associated with mismatched sexual desire.

Human Sexual Response Cycle - Desire, Arousal, Orgasm, Refractory Period (for Males Only)...Point is that you need Desire to become Aroused, it has to work seamlessly.

What is Normal - " Normal " is what is " Normal " for your relationship..Negotiated between the partners.

Why is sex important in a relationship? - Sex keeps us connected, sex keeps us physical, sex is a form of intimacy, bedroom activity can be a reflection of what is happening outside of the bedroom.

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High Desire Spouse - What Can You Do?

• Realize that your theories on why your partner is withholding are wrong.
• Do something different-see if that works. Different approach to sex , Different times of day, Different positions, Weekend sex instead of weeknights, Get a Babysitter for the kids, Take a Vacation, Use Lingerie or Erotic movies for spice and arousal.
• Rule out medical problems in low desire partner, be supportive of treatment options.
• Listen if there is a problem or if they state that you need to do something differently, then do that.

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Low Desire Spouse - What Can You Do?

• Agree to compromise on the frequency of sex so it can be viewed as "win-win". You need to begin thinking and feeling differently about the role of sex and sexuality in your life.
• Recognize that the partner with the low desire sets the pace for frequency and intensity of sexual relations. You are more powerful than you think you are.
• Recognize that sex and touching go hand in hand. If you are not interested in sex because something is the relationship is wrong, fix it or get some counseling.
• If you have ruled out relationship problems as a desire killer, it may be a medical problem.

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General Medical and Biological Desire Killers

Medical Conditions than Hinder Desire: Includes Depression, Estrogen Producing Tumors, Hepatitis, Hypothyroidism, Menopause, Stroke, Some Cancers, Epilepsy, And Pituitary Disease.

Drugs That Effect Desire: Blood Pressure and Heart Medications (Aldomet, Catapres) Cancer Medications (Tamoxifen) Minor and major Tranquilizers (Ativan, Xanex, Valium, Haldol) Mood Medications including antidepressants and medications for Bipolar Disorder (Effexor, Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Nardil) Sedatives (Dilantin) Ulcer Medications (Tagamet, Zantac) Recreational Drugs and Alcohol (Cocaine, Methadone)

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What are my Options for Boosting Desire?

Testosterone Therapies for Men and Women - Liquid, Patches, Gels and Crème Formats. Wellbutrin- Effective for treating depression without a sexual side effect.

Herbal remedies including Ginko Biloba, Ginseng, DHEA, Dong Quai or L-Arginine. Exercise, Eat Right and Get Enough Rest.

Individual or Couples Psychotherapy with a qualified licensed professional for help in defining and providing solutions to your recurrent proble.